My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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