Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize