Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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