You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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