Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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