My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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