If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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