??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize