I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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