Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
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at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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