Tell her she can't have a vagina
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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