Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
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Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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