that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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