I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize