you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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