I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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