Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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