Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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