I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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