Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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