There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He felt like a one man threesome
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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