i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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