hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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