I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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