You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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