Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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