Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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