If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize