Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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