You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize