Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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