Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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