we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no, he came in my armpit
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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