do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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