Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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