omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
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i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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