I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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