can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
