No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
