No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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