The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Couch. On fire.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize