....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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