drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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