Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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