I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Drunk is not a location!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize