I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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