barbara walters just said penis...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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