I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize