I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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