I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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