so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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