Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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